Hornblower and the Hotspur in Ten Minutes
by Flameofdeath
Summary: Just what it says. I never saw one ANYWHERE in the 'net, even though they have them for HP and all, so I decided to do one! Review, s'il vous plait!


**Hornblower and the Hotspur in 10 minutes**

Author's note: I would just like to say that Hornblower is NOT mine. I'd have better things to do with him! Ahem. Anyhow, this was a product of utter boredom and I may do more, or may not. ::shrugs:: The book, Hornblower and the Hostpur, is property of C.S. Forester (which I hear is NOT his real name) and his estate. Same applies to the characters in the book. Jokes are mine. But that doesn't count much. Main point is, don't steal, I don't have money.

**Horatio:** Watch me go through with my ill-considered marriage. Woe.  
**Maria:** HORRY! HORRY! I LOVE YOU SO!  
**Everyone else:** We're going to pretend we didn't hear that.  
**Maria:** Oh look, your friend Mr. Bush ran away with all the guests.  
**Horatio:** Woe.

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**Maria:** Squee! it's all these swords and people and it's all so shiny!!!  
**Horatio:** Happy is the bride that does something lovey-dovey when something lovey-dovey happens....  
**Maria:**I love you Horry!  
**Horatio:** Oh sweet jesus, not this Horry thing again.

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**Guests**: ::partyparty::  
**Horatio:** takes out sword to cut cake  
**Some dude:** Admiral's waiting for you upstairs.  
**Horatio:** zooms up the stairs

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**Cornwallis:** Did I take you away from your wedding?  
**Horatio:** Yeah, but it's cool.  
**Cornwallis:**Okay, we're not at war but we are, and you have to act like we're not until we actually are. Got that?  
**Horatio:** Not really. When do we leave?  
**Cornwallis:**Tomorrow-  
**Horatio:** YES!  
**Cornwallis:**- but you can go home tonight.  
**Horatio:** WOE.  
**Cornwallis:**Now because the author does not want to subject Horatio to the torture of mothers-in-law, I will make a flash appearance and sgive a speech that sound remarakably like a funeral eulogy and everyone will be all boogy-boogy-ha-ha.  
**Horatio:** Cool.

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**Maria:**Do you have to go dear?  
**Horatio:** Yes.  
**Maria:**I don't want you to go!  
**Horatio:** . . . .  
**Maria:**But I shall be strong and endure!  
**Horatio:** . . . .  
**Maria:**By the way, because I'm an incompetant housewife, here's some steak for breakfast even though you hate steak.  
**Horatio:** . . . . !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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**Bush:** Welcome to Purgatory, sir.  
**Horatio:** Shut up mofo, this is the book and you're not Archie.  
**Bush:**My apologies sir.  
**Horatio:** I think I'm getting seasick.  
**Bush:**stands on ship as it practically flips  
**Cargill:** Woe. I've steered badly.  
**Horatio:** bumps into Cargill's stomach  
**Horatio & Cargill:** Woe.

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**Horatio:** Now I shall vomit my heart out and be all upset and angsty about it while doing impressive stuff to impress my unimaginative lieutenant and annoying master.  
**Bush:** You're so cool.  
**Prowse:** I think you're cooler!  
**French ships:** Why is he following us?

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**French Ship:** We're going to bomb you even though you haven't had any contact with man, woman, or child in forty days and forty nights. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!  
**Horatio:** Shut up bastards, FIRE!  
**Ship:** Fires  
**Men:** Are we at war?

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**Pellew:** Hey, Horatio, long time no see. I'm going to congratulate you on all your hard work in getting here and inform you after the 28371293 attacks you suffered from the French, we're at war!  
**Horatio:** Wow. I never would have guessed.  
**Cornwallis:**Hi, Hornblower. Haven't seen you since your wedding, but I'll be really nice to you because no one else likes you and I'm retiring anyway.

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**Horatio:** We're going to have a surprise attack!  
**Grimes:** DON'T TAKE ME WITH YOU!  
**Horatio:** I could hang you for that.  
**Grimes:**Shut up, I'll do it myself. hangs himself  
**Horatio:** Good riddance.  
**Ship:** points finger and laughs

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**Doughty:** Would you like dinner, sir?  
**Horatio:** No, I will have dinner with my newborn son although you are unaware of this as I make an utterly stupid pun because I have much angst. Woe.

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**Baby Hornblower:** WAH WAH WAH WAH WOE WAH WAH WAH  
**Maria:**beams I think he's going to be just like you dear.  
**Horatio:** You think?

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**Cornwallis:**You're absolutely superb and I am the only capable officer in the navy who likes you therefore I am retiring. But I will make you captain even though you sorta were one already.  
**Horatio:** . . . . okay?


End file.
